By Cynthia Barnes (reviewed and written)
Don’t worry, be happy. Who doesn’t want (and need!) that, after the year we’ve had? Anxiety, stress, sleepless nights, muscle tension … all symptoms of the pandemic, regardless of the virus.
I am no edibles expert, no cannabis connoisseur. Weed has never really been my thing. But lots of friends have reported great results, especially since “all this” started. Cheeba Chews is the country’s leading brand, so why not try the best? But first, a little research.
Cannabis contains an alphabet soup of more than a hundred compounds. THC is the fun one, the psychoactive stuff that gets people “high.” I don’t want a Cheech & Chong experience. OK maybe a little, but like … just a Cheech. Maybe a half-Cheech. CBD is added to everything from mouthwash to dog shampoo these days, promising to reduce pain, anxiety, inflammation, and the amount you owe on your student loans. A lot of people haven’t heard of CBG, but it’s the OG compound — you can’t have CBD or THC without it.
It’s another quarantine Saturday, but tonight I’m the proud owner of a pack of Cheeba Chew’s Trifecta Be Happy Taffy, 20 caramels containing a total of 100 mg of all three compounds: CBG, CBD, and THC. “Worry a little less,” the marketing promises, “with 300 mg of uplifting cannabinoids in each package.” Yes, worrying a little less would be a real treat.
Having seen my out-of-state cousins absolutely wreck themselves with edibles on a post-legalization visit, I start off with one tasty caramel. Math reveals that each caramel has only 5 mg of THC — no problem for a woman who is no stranger to wine. Right?
This is fast-acting: in 35 minutes I’m not staring at my hand or anything, but I can definitely feel my teeth. Not in a weird way, more like, there are teeth in my mouth, yes, and I feel them. I watch the 4,000th commercial for FanDuel sports betting, thankful for my teeth and for what I don’t feel for the first time this year: low-level dread, a tension headache, and the overwhelming urge to kill my upstairs neighbors, who are always home now (thanks, Covid) and always blasting Pink Floyd. It’s hard to remember, but I think this is maybe … relaxation? Time for a second taffy.
Two candies and ninety minutes in, I get why my friends have been evangelizing for edibles. This is a good, balanced feeling. Chilled for sure, but not wrecked. Not high enough to find Saturday Night Live funny (though that’s on SNL), but with a pleasant, functional buzz. With the feeling that I’ll get a good night’s sleep and wake up the next morning a little brighter.
If you want your face melted (no judgment!) Cheeba Chews has candies that can handle that, too. But if like me, that’s not your thing … but you still need a little lift, the Trifecta Taffy may just hit the sweet spot.